I shared this on my Instagram stories, but I also wanted to put it somewhere more permanent, so when I’ll look back at the end of this year I’ll remember where I’ve been.
Lately I’ve found that I’ve been falling back into negative thought patterns and it’s starting to take its toll. I’ve become aware of the constant narrative of I’m not doing enough, I’m supposed to do more and be better and not fall short and stand up and prove myself and keep it all together and excel and it’s all too much.
I forget that the way I speak to myself is something I have to work at. I have to remember to talk kindly to myself. I have to make an effort to check myself and move away from those negative thoughts when they arise instead of letting them run riot for days and weeks on end. I have to tell myself I’m doing good, I’ve got this, it’s okay.
It’s unrealistic to think that I’ll do something every day. Is that even possible? Sometime something’s going to come along that throws things off and I need to be in a position to tell myself that that’s alright. It’s no big deal. I can try again tomorrow.
I’m realising now that there’s a fine balance for me to walk, between motivating myself to be productive and take steps towards my goals, and being too hard on myself to the point where I shut down and can’t function.
I’m swinging a bit on that seesaw right now and I’m struggling to find the middle ground but I’m sure I’ll get there. And I’ll also remind myself that what might be my middle ground now might not be my middle ground in a month or two.
I’m going to give myself a break. Take a little time to step back from all of the things I think I *should* be doing, and give myself some space to really consider what is good for me. I’m excited about what I’ll find out.